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  1. #1

    I don't know where to get help from

    Hi, I have borderline personality disorder and this is I think a factor in the problem I am about to disclose.

    I will try and be honest but will keep certain things vague as I outline the issue.

    I have been married for 7 years and with my husband for 13 years, about two years ago I left my husband and moved into a flat, the reason I left was because I found myself in love with another man. I started seeing this other man but remained in contact with my husband as I wanted our split to be as easy as it could be for him. The other bloke left me and has moved over 200 miles away. I felt absolutely devastated by this, I had nothing and no-one. I know that I deserve this. Anyway I ended up i n a mental health hospital for a weeks on and off for about 4 months. Needless to say I lost my job, as the place I moved into was rented I quickly found myself homeless. Again yes I realise I deserve this for hurting my husband so badly.

    My husband is an amazing person and come and collected me from my last hospital stay and has put a roof over my head and helped me get a job. I am now living with y husband and I know that he thinks everything is 'back to normal' for us. The trouble is I don't feel the same about it as he does. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have in the past. I don't want to put him through the same pain as I did two years ago. I am finding it harder and harder to keep up the act of being happy. I feel like I have no privacy, for example a few hours ago I was looking at properties to rent in the area, my husband walked up behind me and saw what was on my laptop. Cue a hour or so of me saying how sorry I am, how I feel terrible about everything and him getting upset.

    I know I am not the victim and believe me I am not looking for sympathy but I just don't know what to do anymore. I know I should stay and just get on with it. I made my bed etc etc but the unhappiness overwhelms me at time.

  2. #2
    You're going to have to tell him how you really feel. The last thing you want is for it to get so bad you end up without a job and homeless again.

    It's much better to leave whilst you are working and financially independent.

    Only you can have an honest conversation with him, no-one can do it for you.

  3. #3
    My husband knows how I feel. He is happy for the pretence to continue.

  4. #4
    That's not going to make either of you happy. are you on meds for your depression? If not, or if you don't think they are helping you cope go back to see your GP. Once you feel a bit better you need to sit down and have that discussion if you still feel the same way.

  5. #5
    If that really is the case, the you have to leave, as much for his sake as your own.
    What I really wanted to say was that you didn't deserve to end up losing your job and you didn't deserve to end up homeless. You fell in love. It happens, even when you don't intend it to.
    The fact that you screwed up doesn't mean that you have to stay with your husband out of guilt and gratitude and nobody has to stick in a situation that makes them as unhappy as you sound.
    Talk to your GP.
    Rent somewhere to live. Even if it's just a bedsit.


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